Pain is an Addiction
I left the U.S. Army July 2012 and I have yet looked at the world the same. If I could prove insanity and my nerve injury to Uncle Sam, would it even make a difference in how I see life and myself now? Seven years in the making, and life is going good. FIGHT is published and is reaching readers, but behind the words lies pain.
Confusion and loneliness are deceptive yet very compelling. My heart aches, but then I see my daughter and son and wonder how I'm going to protect them from it all. Life is cruel yet we adapt. Pain is real and addicting; that is something I learned early on in my life.
Talking and time alleviate some severity of some scars, but how do you define what life has transcended upon you? Do you divert? Find another outlet? Take another pill? Take another shot? Everything speeds up the viscous cycle to the point you don't know which way is up and which way is down.
I have a switch I engage when I'm conscious enough to remember it's there. When I stopped drinking so heavily, I realized that I had more control of that switch. Now, I try allowing myself to live a little more. Sit in silence. Pick up a book and read, or run, or engage in a new hobby. Life is vast yet small; people are crazy yet interesting. Life can be good, but to avoid pain and a past, one must learn to find that switch.
If you can't keep your mind off how to alleviate pain, you never will. Your mind tunnels in and you get lost to what is real and what is not. Take a step back from pain. Pain is real and therefore makes you feel alive but it can also be the death of you.